For the past month or two, I’ve been on a roller coaster–a whirlwind of emotions and activity–good and bad. One of my biggest frustrations is that I am always “fighting a clock”. I said this to my sweetie Saturday evening after spending the day helping my Mom move into her new place and then rushing to get spiffed up for his daughter’s fashion show.
It’s true; I’m typically on time for everything, but I feel like I am always rushing, rushing to get ready, rushing to get there, rushing through a task, rushing through a conversation or a meeting, rushing through the work day, rushing to get on to the next thing. The frustration is the feeling that I am not giving 100% to anything, y’know? Do you ever feel like this?
Eventually the frustration overwhelms me; that’s when Mr. Anxiety and Ms. Depression amble in for a visit. They are like the cousins that come to stay for a weekend and are still on your couch two months later. Not really welcome, and almost impossible to kick to the curb. But I’m happy to say their bags are packed, and they are most of the way out to the street–good riddance.
In my overwhelmed state I’m usually desperate (not always rationally) to let something go altogether; give up an obligation or an aspect of my life or routine that would allow me to give more time to the others. Exercise and meal-planning are usually the first to go. I know, not a good idea…but isn’t letting something that just impacts yourself the easiest to forego?
I also contemplated letting this blog go, as in shutting it down. I never saw blogging as an obligation, but sometimes it seems like a competition; and when you are a little fish in a big sea, well… let’s just say Theodore Roosevelt was right when he said “comparison is the thief of joy”. But starting this blog helped me to work through some crap, to heal, and I rather enjoy blogging–so why would I give that up? (I told you they weren’t always rational thoughts).
After week of contemplation, some irrational declarations of “I’m going to quit _____!” or “I’m going to do this!”–The bottom line is–there isn’t anything in my life right now that I can give up, or quit, or walk away from; even if I really wanted to. I just have to do what I can in each situation, quit beating myself up over what I don’t get done, and move forward. Looking back hasn’t gotten me anywhere before, why would it start working for me now?
And why am I still re-learning this same lesson at the age of 42???
I hate when the cousins (which btw is a great name for them) arrive at my house!! I usually find myself unmotivated and taking lots and lots I’d naps…not very productive
And the things I enjoy most are the things I let go of! Ugh!! But selfishly, I am SO glad you decided not to shut down your blog 
Two weeks and two days…yes, I’m counting down the days. Don’t forget to let me know if you need me to pick up some ghastlies!!
“I’m in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life’s no fun – all I really have to do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why!” I always remember this song when I’m stressed, so I sit back and try to enjoy the moment instead. Sometimes it works, and that’s all that matters… (and now the song will be stuck in my head the rest of the day!)
Take a deep breath and enjoy the first day of summer!
I think I recall my Grandma saying that… I did enjoy the first day of summer, and I am feeling much better, thanks, Ann!
If it’s any consolation, I think we all have those over trying times. I don’t work anymore outside the home, but still have the frustrations of getting things done in a timely fashion. Everyone needs it now! This too shall pass. Breathe deep, remember we’re all in the same boat.
So true. Remembering to say NO more often would help me, too!
I totally know how you feel. I always feel like I’m rushing off to somewhere or something else so much that I can’t fully enjoy things in the moment. I’ve been feeling so unmotivated lately to finish anything or start anything new. With all the stuff that’s been going on with my mom and my frequent migraines, lately I feel like something’s gotta give. I even contemplated not doing as many crafts shows this year, but I already paid for them all. So I’ll just make the best of things and keep moving ahead like you said. I’m glad you’re not quitting blogging. I really enjoy reading your posts.
Hugs. Been there… That was the story of last month.
Lately, I’ve been stressed about not living in stress. Does that make sense? As you know, the last couple of years have been very stressful for me. And frankly, I had gotten “conditioned” to living in stress. Now that life has calmed down, I don’t know how to act. Crazy!
Big hugs. Send those cousins packing and lock the doors so they don’t come visit again.
You are not alone Doris. So glad your cousins are no longer visiting and your blog is still up and running. Definitely know how you feel. I hadn’t heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”, but it makes sense. Looking forward to seeing you very soon.
Oh, Sistah…..I can totally relate! I have felt the same way for the past few months. I can’t keep up with everything. I haven’t let one thing completely go, but I’ve sort of given up on everything a little bit. So, the long and short of it is that I don’t feel good about any aspect of my life…work or personal….right now. It is really a struggle for me. Sounds like you need a good neck/shoulder rub when I see you tomorrow. Really miss you and can’t wait to hug you IRL. Glad you aren’t shutting down the blog.